I recently listened to a message on Facebook Live. The sermon included a famous quote by Winnie the Pooh in the movie, Christopher Robin, "I always get to where I'm going by walking away from where I've been." The entire message was spot on and very relevant to life-stuff-the kind of stuff that causes us to want to pull the covers over our heads and stay in bed. There was so much depth in the message that she shared that it would not be fair for me to try to duplicate it for fear I'd leave out the heart of it all.
As has been my theme since 2015, my heart turns toward home..."I always get to where I'm going by walking away from where I've been." I've posted many times about my journey to find "home." There was so much that I needed to walk away from, but that's another post. I had to actually leave home, to find home. Packing 35 years of memories and junk in the back of a U Hall and heading 375 miles north may seem like drastic measures to some. My intention for leaving was never to find "home." However, God knew that my heart needed drastic measures.
Right now, I'm flipping between several books, Cozy Minimalist Home by Myquillyn Smith and It's Not Supposed To Be This Way by Lysa Terkeurst. Last year, I completed a Bible Study by Jen Pollock Michel, Keeping Place. Jen quotes, "To be human is to long for home." What I'm learning in my quest to find home is that yes, home is a place, a building, a dwelling, a feeling. However, I'm learning more and more that home is a state of the heart. The dwelling is temporary. The building, the city, however big or small, is just a resting place, a short-term place to abide. Lysa calls this "a temporary middle space between two gardens." The Bible begins in a garden and ends in a garden. In Genesis, we see the first garden, Eden, perfect, the stuff- made -in- movies perfect. Walking naked (and not worried about the belly roll or having to wipe sweat and apply powder), no inhibitions, no fear, perfect relationship. And then they messed up! And the lights go out or they wish the lights had gone out. NAKED! I'd have to hide too!
I'm thinking back to the nights the lights went out, what I call the dark night of the soul, the days, weeks, months, nights leading to and after my parent's death. It was during this time that I became completely undone, the place of the enemy. He wanted me convinced that it was over, that every breath could be my last, that my sanity was held only by a thread. His words echoed inside my head as from a deep canyon, "It's over. You died with them. Nobody notices. Nobody cares. You can't. You aren't. You won't. Done. Over. Finished." All words and voices that drown out the voice of God...almost!
Lysa writes, "The piercing angst of disappointment in everything on this side of eternity creates a discontent with his world and pushes us to long for God Himself and for the place where we will finally walk in the garden with Him again."
He's leading me home. It's in Him, that I find my dwelling. I'm thankful that in looking back I am able to see that He was there all the time. He was leading me home, to Himself. He was pulling me away from what I thought home was supposed to look like, to where He abides with me daily.
"But Christ is faithful as the Son over God's house. And we are his house (yes His dwelling place!) if indeed we hold firmly to our confidence and the hope in which we glory." Hebrews 3:6
As has been my theme since 2015, my heart turns toward home..."I always get to where I'm going by walking away from where I've been." I've posted many times about my journey to find "home." There was so much that I needed to walk away from, but that's another post. I had to actually leave home, to find home. Packing 35 years of memories and junk in the back of a U Hall and heading 375 miles north may seem like drastic measures to some. My intention for leaving was never to find "home." However, God knew that my heart needed drastic measures.
Right now, I'm flipping between several books, Cozy Minimalist Home by Myquillyn Smith and It's Not Supposed To Be This Way by Lysa Terkeurst. Last year, I completed a Bible Study by Jen Pollock Michel, Keeping Place. Jen quotes, "To be human is to long for home." What I'm learning in my quest to find home is that yes, home is a place, a building, a dwelling, a feeling. However, I'm learning more and more that home is a state of the heart. The dwelling is temporary. The building, the city, however big or small, is just a resting place, a short-term place to abide. Lysa calls this "a temporary middle space between two gardens." The Bible begins in a garden and ends in a garden. In Genesis, we see the first garden, Eden, perfect, the stuff- made -in- movies perfect. Walking naked (and not worried about the belly roll or having to wipe sweat and apply powder), no inhibitions, no fear, perfect relationship. And then they messed up! And the lights go out or they wish the lights had gone out. NAKED! I'd have to hide too!
I'm thinking back to the nights the lights went out, what I call the dark night of the soul, the days, weeks, months, nights leading to and after my parent's death. It was during this time that I became completely undone, the place of the enemy. He wanted me convinced that it was over, that every breath could be my last, that my sanity was held only by a thread. His words echoed inside my head as from a deep canyon, "It's over. You died with them. Nobody notices. Nobody cares. You can't. You aren't. You won't. Done. Over. Finished." All words and voices that drown out the voice of God...almost!
Lysa writes, "The piercing angst of disappointment in everything on this side of eternity creates a discontent with his world and pushes us to long for God Himself and for the place where we will finally walk in the garden with Him again."
He's leading me home. It's in Him, that I find my dwelling. I'm thankful that in looking back I am able to see that He was there all the time. He was leading me home, to Himself. He was pulling me away from what I thought home was supposed to look like, to where He abides with me daily.
"But Christ is faithful as the Son over God's house. And we are his house (yes His dwelling place!) if indeed we hold firmly to our confidence and the hope in which we glory." Hebrews 3:6
I really am happy that my in-between-the-gardens dwelling is
near my babies.
My precious mother-in-law came to meet the newest grands
and enjoyed them all!
I love this! You are a thoughtful writer and have spoken truth so clearly. I’m so happy you are near your babies too. No better place to be 😊
ReplyDeleteTake care, dear friend!
Hello, my lovely friend.
ReplyDeleteThis post is so heartfelt and enlightening.
And the photos you shared made my heart happy.
May God bless you with warmth and peace.
Have a cozy weekend. : )